"It's Hard to Be a Woman"

By Christa Thornsbury

Such a simple statement as the title is probably as controversial as it is ambiguous. Does it mean it is hard to be a woman because men marginalize and oppress women? Does it mean it is hard to be a woman because of the constant possibility of sexual assault? Does it mean that, in order to have a fulfilling life, women must be successful career women, perfect mothers, and ideal wives all at the same time?

Being a woman in modern America is challenging indeed. The questions listed above are, in many ways, the wrong questions to ask, but they illustrate why being a woman in an increasingly post-Judeo-Christian world is so difficult. It’s hard to be a woman because we don’t even know what it actually means to be a woman. Our society has tried to create new definitions through several waves of feminism, each eroding traditional definitions of womanhood more and more.

This endless search for new knowledge has, paradoxically, left us with little knowledge of true womanhood. Unfortunately, the problem is not confined to secular discussions of gender and sexuality (though it is certainly most pronounced in these). Even in our churches, confusion about men and women’s roles is increasing. Some congregations, and even entire denominations, have not taken time to consider the implications of God’s creating human beings as male and female after His image and according to His likeness. Others tend toward one of two extremes. On one hand, some adopt the egalitarian position there are virtually no differences between men and women, that gender roles are, at best, mere social constructs and, at worst, oppressive. On the other hand, some overemphasize male headship to the point that women are, consciously or not, regarded as slightly inferior.

Scripture offers us a much more compelling vision of manhood and womanhood than either of these tendencies. In recent years, faithful expositors of God’s Word have fleshed out and defended a strong doctrine of biblical complementarianism. I would like to refer to this position as “small-‘f’” or “lower-case” feminism, which essentially means “woman-ism.” [1] By this term, I mean the Judeo-Christian position on gender roles as they ought to be understood according to Scripture. This position is much older than “capital-‘F’” or “uppercase” Feminism (which I will discuss below).

Small-“f” feminism asserts women are not inferior to men, women ought to be educated, women have valuable contributions to make to society as women, but women assume different roles than men do. While this view stands in contrast to modern Feminism, it also stands in contrast to some older incorrect assumptions about a woman’s place in society. That is, small-“f” feminism is not a call to return to the age in which women could not vote or own property or fully participate in the public square. It is the view espoused by Jane Austen and Anne Bradstreet, women who gloried in God’s design for femininity and also made significant contributions to the English canon of great literature. [2]

However, lest I be mistaken for a closet egalitarian, I use the term “biblical complementarianism” to describe the correct Christian understanding of women in society. Below are two basic concepts that must be grasped to adopt Scripture’s vision for women (and men).

Biblical complementarianism recognizes the roles of women and men are not interchangeable.

Modern Feminism has much to answer for, not the least of which is our society’s considerable confusion about the differences between men and women. What began as the incorrect belief women can do (or even ought to do) anything men can do has developed into the belief that women are inherently better than men. Increasingly, we see a societal push, with talk of so-called “toxic masculinity,” for example, to make men more like women.

While the egalitarian position within the church might not be as extreme as the modern Feminist view, it certainly would agree that women and men have no distinct roles, pointing to Paul’s words in Galatians 3:28, “there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” to defend their position. This is most clearly seen in egalitarian views on the family and women in ministry.

Essentially, egalitarians contend either a man or a woman can be the leader of the home, or that the husband and wife can share leadership equally. In the church, women can serve in any and all leadership positions, even as pastor.

Perhaps the most significant problem with the egalitarian position, particularly in relation to the home, is that it encourages the worst tendencies in men and women. Women usurp leadership and greedily take charge while men abdicate the God-given responsibility to lead and fall into apathy.
Biblical complementarianism, on the other hand, asserts men and women each fill unique roles in God’s plan. Those who hold this view point to Paul’s teaching about marriage in Ephesians, which delineates clearly the roles of men and women. Men are to be servant-leaders of the home, while women are to submit to the husband’s leadership. This seemingly antiquated position brings us to a major misconception about biblical complementarianism that must be addressed.

Biblical complementarianism does not contend that men are better than women.

Because the complementarian position takes seriously the idea of male headship, opponents assert the position devalues women and elevates men. Indeed, the current cultural mood assumes the inequality of role necessarily entails inequality of essence. In reality, this is simply not the case. In any office, for example, if everyone had the exact same working role, nothing could be accomplished. Different roles are required, and each role is absolutely needed.

So, too, are the roles God gives to men and to women. Both men and women are equal in worth and in dignity. Both are made in the image of God. Both will be held accountable for carrying out the roles God has assigned them, no matter their stations in life.

In the end, both men and women are called to submit to God’s design. Yes, men are called to leadership, but this is a high calling and serious responsibility. And, it is not accompanied by the right to take advantage of women. On the contrary, men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and laid down His life for her. This is certainly not a bullish attitude through which a man views his wife as an inferior! A husband who loves his wife in the way Paul prescribes will trust her and value her opinion, and yet will not demand total obeisance to his totalitarian rule.

The complementarian position does indeed assert that men can do things that women cannot do. On the other hand, it also contends women can do things that men cannot do! Both men and women are essential to the functioning of human society, and human society flourishes only when men and women assume the roles they are given. Mary Kassian and Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, founders of the True Woman Movement, often remind readers that men and women reflect God’s glory in unique ways. And, together, they fully reflect God’s image—puzzle pieces, each unique but each necessary to complete the puzzle. This image is compelling and beautiful, not oppressive or outdated. [3]

Biblical complementarianism is lived out beyond the marriage relationship, too. In Titus 2, Paul gives extensive instruction for older women to teach younger women how to be godly women, and for older men to teach younger men how to be godly men. The character traits in this instruction overlap, but we find gender-specific traits emphasized by Paul. These apply to all people within the Body of Christ, whether they are married or not. As we practice this kind of discipleship within the Body of Christ, together, we reflect together the glory of God.

The Conclusion (for now)

I realize I am not treading new ground in this article, but I hope this simple explanation of the biblical complementarian position for Free Will Baptists is helpful in our current cultural moment. So much more can be said and must be said about these issues. For the most part, Free Will Baptists have gravitated toward biblical gender roles. However, in an age increasingly hostile toward true womanhood and biblical complementarianism, Free Will Baptists need to be prepared to define more clearly our position and to correct unbiblical practices we may have adopted. Our young women face a culture that sends them conflicting and confusing messages about womanhood. If the beauty of God’s plan has never been explained to them in a clear and compelling way, they are susceptible to unbiblical views that promise power and pleasure.

Furthermore, the watching world needs to see women and men live out the beauty of God’s design. We can’t very well contend for biblical positions on the sanctity of marriage or the meaning of being born male or female if we live as though gender roles don’t matter. Worse, we risk presenting only a partial view of God’s character if we only reflect a few of His traits. Finally, as with all of God’s plans, following His design for manhood and womanhood is ultimately for our own good. His plan brings the most joy and fulfillment. Let us develop our doctrine, teach it well, and live it to the fullest.

About the Writer: Christa Thornsbury is the librarian at Welch College in Gallatin, Tennessee. She holds an MLIS from the University of Alabama (2016) and a BA in English and Biblical Studies from Welch College (2011). This article originally appeared in the Helwys Society Forum: TheHSF.com. Used by permission.

[1] I have stolen this term from Dr. Darrell Holley who used it in his literature courses at Welch College. When I spoke to him about this essay, he said he likely stole the term from Francis Schaeffer’s distinction between “upper-case” Truth and “lower-case” truth.

[2] Space does not permit a fuller description of the works of Austen and Bradstreet; nevertheless, they ought to be mentioned in this conversation.

[3] Kassian and Wolgemuth have two excellent studies on Biblical womanhood: True Woman 101 and True Woman 201.