The Scandal of Singleness

by W. Jackson Watts

I am not alone. A 2011 article confirmed the bias in evangelicalism against hiring unmarried pastors.

Over a year ago, I felt God leading me to pursue a pastorate after having served several years as an associate minister during seminary. Yet after sending out a dozen or more resumés, utter silence was the response. Strong recommendations, advanced theological training, and a clear philosophy of ministry mattered little. Though I was an unmarried, younger man, it still seemed strange to have no opportunities. After all, weren’t Timothy and Titus both younger men to whom the apostle Paul (a single missionary) had entrusted much?

In the midst of this disappointing phase, I encountered Erik Eckholm’s New York Times article [1]. It told of one experienced pastor unable to find work after a lengthy search. According to Eckholm’s research, most evangelical churches will never seriously consider a single pastor for fear that (a) he won’t relate well to married couples, or (b) his sexual orientation is in question. Perhaps this represents the concern of Christians about the state of marriage in America. After all, the latest census and recent studies indicate that 51% of American adults are unmarried—the most in history.

Despite these alarming realities, some evangelical leaders including Al Mohler support this evangelical prejudice toward hiring pastors who are married. He, like many other leaders, feels that Scripture, as well as the normalcy of marriage in society, justifies this preference.

However, what does Scripture really say? Is this bias against singles, especially in ministry, justified? Is singleness as scandalous as some imply? I contend that the witness and ministry of the church can be hindered when it ignores, isolates, or belittles faithful singleness in the church.

Biblical Reflections

Biblical accounts of family life certainly challenge the 21st-century evangelical bias[2]. Consider these provocative episodes related to family and ministry that emerge from the Old Testament: Moses was unmarried until age 40. Abraham and Sarah were childless into their 90s. Ruth initially chose singleness in order to serve her mother-in-law. It appears that both Elijah and Elisha were single. And Jeremiah was called to be single and preach for 50 years to a non-repentant people. These men and women of God might have a hard time serving and thriving in today’s church.

We must remember that expectations for family life should not come from cultural expectations, but from scriptural imperatives and norms. While Scripture has much to say about well-ordered family life, it does not support the biases of church members and ministers against singles.

In this fallen world, a gospel-centered church will likely consist of singles, widows, and divorcees, in addition to married couples. To act as though singles are somehow second-class Christians is simply not biblical. Further, invoking Scripture to support a “married-only” model for church leadership is odd since Jesus Himself and the apostle Paul fall short of this standard—ironic since Jesus was the Church’s founder and Paul its greatest missionary.

Consider the facts: Jesus lived a chaste, celibate, single life. When He addressed the topic of family, He stressed the importance of not allowing family to divide loyalty to God. Most famously He said, “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). He warned that whoever loved their children more than Him could not be his disciple (Matthew 10:37b). He also taught there will be no marriage in the life to come (Matthew 22:23-28).

The Apostle Paul also ministered as a single man. He offers clear words concerning singleness when he states that singles are able to serve God more freely than married people. Paul even calls married Christians to embody “marital forgetfulness” (1 Corinthians 7:29). This does not mean they neglect their spouses, but that they allow the Word and Spirit, rather than the world, to inform the shape of their marriage so they can serve Christ faithfully.

Today’s Singles

Many with concerns about today’s Christian singles would concede their concerns are practical. In other words, they do not deny the biblical affirmation of singleness. They object on other grounds, such as the need for companionship in ministry. They ignore that Scripture upholds both marriage and singleness. And we must heed it. Ignoring Scripture ignores God—the one who understands the Church and human need better than we do.

Hypocrisy plagues the Church’s witness on this issue as well. When churches denigrate or isolate singles, they elicit critical inspection from the world. If the rumors are true that nearly half of all “Christian” marriages end in divorce, we must not be hasty to crown all married couples with the wreath of wisdom and maturity, while eschewing faithful expressions of singleness.

Unfortunately, many churches potentially exacerbate the problem. They tailor programs toward singles, perpetuating divisions in the church body that Scripture is slow to make. Everyone, regardless of marital status, can distinctly mirror the truth about Christ’s kingdom and contribute to the body. Ironically, this diverse body is also called the family of God as they serve and worship together in the New Testament Church. This should lead us to envision a way of ministering to singles that emphasizes their gifts and calling, as opposed to their marital status.

Can’t the single pastor identify with the growing number of singles as much as the married pastor can identify with couples? Why are singles often encouraged to pursue overseas missions, while ministry at home is simultaneously dismissed. They leave the familiar to minister in a strange land. Yet, the single servant may find himself unacceptable to search committees of evangelical churches!

It seems “the only call of God that Western Christians fear more than the call to missions is the call to a life of celibacy”[3]. Churches should envision singleness as an asset in ministry, not a hindrance or threat. As one medieval theologian said, celibacy should be seen as “vacancy for God.”

Healthy singles depend wholly on God, not a spouse. The call to chastity is just as radical to the married as the single. The difference is that the former has a context where physical intimacy is appropriate. The latter can remain chaste and celibate by the power of the Spirit and the accountability of the church, for they are reminded in their singleness that the church is their primary family [4].

Certainly, many Christian singles are immature. They are often non-committal in relationships. They use disposable income to travel frequently, and thus they are often unreliable. However, even if we assume that all singles are this way, this simply heightens the need for the church to teach and model a biblical view of marriage, and also of singleness. Ignoring the problem will not bring balance to the church. Pastors, teachers, faithful singles, and married couples should befriend, mentor, and love singles as a valued part of the body.

Escaping the Scandal

Is singleness really scandalous? No. When singleness is seen and practiced within the frame of Scripture, it is sanctified. As Stanley Hauerwas says,

Singleness becomes a sign that the church lives by hope rather than biological heirs, that brothers and sisters come not through natural generation but through baptism, that the future of the world and the significance of our future is ultimately up to God rather than us….Ultimately, there is…only one good reason to get married or to stay single, namely, that this has something to do with our discipleship [5].

This is a helpful reminder for Christians in all walks of life. Beyond this, here are a few practical steps churches can take to embrace a biblical vision of singleness with the appropriate balance:

1. Be cautious about erecting ministry structures and programs that are neither mandated by Scripture, nor supported from scriptural patterns and principles. The Bible does not single out married couples or singles, except when it provides them the theological basis for their way of life and how to live faithfully. Otherwise, it does not segregate the two in the context of worship or ministry efforts.
   

2. Pastors should be thoughtful in the way they relate their messages by use of illustrations and application. Many times these are so person-specific that they almost always exclude one particular demographic. Instead, pastors should seek to lay bare the biblical truth in such a way that the Holy Spirit has the freedom of working that truth into every person’s life, whether a 25-year old single, newlyweds, or a long-time widower.
   

3. Christians should always remember that both marriage and singleness, when practiced faithfully, entail distinct challenges and blessings. This acknowledgement is crucial because it helps the Church to avoid stereotypes and treating people with condescension. It produces sensitivity to the challenges some face, while also recognizing the blessings God bestows.
   

Despite my difficulties in locating a pastorate, after several months, God placed me in a pastorate in Missouri—even though I was single. Ironically, not long before publication, I married Mckensie Tutor of North Carolina in holy matrimony. We met a few months before God called me to pastor in Missouri.

I did not choose marriage merely because it will benefit my congregation—though it undoubtedly will. I choose it because the New Testament suggests marriage is worth pursuing, bringing its own blessings and challenges. However, Free Will Baptists should strive together to validate and foster healthy marriages, and healthy singleness. Only then can we be consistent with the truth of Scripture.

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Footnotes:

1. Erik Eckholm, “Single and Evangelical? Good Luck Finding Work as a Pastor,” available at http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/22/us/22pastor.html?_r=3&partner=rss&emc=rss, accessed on 12 May 2011.
   

2. To be sure, under the Old Covenant, procreation enjoys a special part in God’s redemptive plan. It is through the women’s seed that a redeemer would ultimately come (Gen. 3:15; 12:1-3).
   

3. Andreas Köstenberger, David W. Jones, God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2010), 167.
   

4. Barry Danylak, Redeeming Singleness: How the Storyline of Scripture Affirms the Single Life (Wheaton: Crossway, 2010), 145.
   

5. Stanley Hauerwas and William Willimon, Resident Aliens (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1989), 66.

About the Writer: W. Jackson Watts is the Pastor of Grace FWB Church outside St. Louis, Missouri, and is a doctoral student at Concordia Seminary. He is co-founder of the website: www.helwyssocietyforum.com.