We’re coming up on a new year. The arrival is often accompanied by feelings of hope, expectation, and eagerness to see what’s in store for the next twelve months. On the flip side, negative emotions and fears can accompany this otherwise exciting blank slate. Instead of optimistically thinking of all the possibilities the year could bring, you might be thinking, with a note of dread, “I wonder what’s in store for this year?”
For many years, I was on the hopeful side. A new year held so much promise for exciting things to come: “I wonder what trips I’ll go on. I wonder what memories I’ll make. Maybe THIS is the year I’ll meet ’the one.’” That last thought — that’s the one I dreamed about most. “Surely, it’s got to happen this year,” I told myself.
The years went on, and that same hope dominated each new year. But with each calendar change, that once exciting hope became a feeling of discouragement. “Okay, it’s another new year. Maybe now it will happen?” Eventually, it turned into downright pessimism. “It’s not happened yet. Why should I think this year will be any different? It’s better not to get my hopes up this time.”
I daresay I’m not the only person who’s felt this way, but sometimes, it sure feels like I am. I see friends date wonderful, godly men and eventually marry them. I often feel frozen in time, watching my peers move to the next life stage of marriage while I’m stuck in a perpetually single stage.
The older I get, the weirder that single stage feels. And it’s true, I’m getting older. (At least, I’m old enough to see fashion trends from my childhood come back in style!) I’m no longer in the college/young adult group of singles, but I’m also not in the young family group like most people my age. I’m somewhere in the middle, and it sometimes feels like a black hole. I’m kind of out of orbit, feeling like I’m being sucked away from the joys of married life. I’m lost in my own little category, without a place to land or plant roots.
While I’m hanging out in this black hole, my mind gets filled with less-than-happy thoughts: “What am I doing wrong? What things should I have done differently to keep me from ending up like this? Is this God’s way of saying I’m not ready to be married? Is there something wrong with the way I look or interact with others?” These thoughts are only a few steps away from a nasty comparison game, a game which I hate to admit I’ve played all too often. I’ll think, “If only I could change ___________ , then maybe I’ll get married.”
In these moments of despair, I must remind myself what I know is true. While natural reactions, some of these thoughts can be self-centered. We know the adage, “Being selfless means you think of yourself less.” When I let my mind camp out on “what’s-wrong-with-me,” I divert my attention from the One who is my sufficiency.
On the flip side, I also must remember that being single is not a punishment. God is not withholding marriage because I make wrong decisions or still struggle with my sin nature. I am in no way perfect, but if the Lord does indeed bless me with marriage, I know I won’t be perfect when that happens, either. While I do have a responsibility to “grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18), I don’t have to live under the weight of my failures and shortcomings. Jesus already took care of those.
Even though I joke about getting older, some life lessons and experiences help me face those emotional battles. At times, I was sure my experiences were leading to a seemingly obvious conclusion. For example, after I graduated from college with an elementary education degree, I applied for teaching jobs with Metro Nashville Public Schools. I had long heard they were desperate for teachers, so I thought finding a teaching job would be a piece of cake. I had a few interviews but no offers. I thought, “If they are desperate for teachers, why am I not getting hired? What am I doing wrong?”
But then, I was approached about a receptionist position at Welch College. Looking back, I’m able to see God orchestrating my life in His perfect timing and plan. My first full-time job out of college prepared me for all the jobs I’ve held since. Although I didn’t get what I was asking for, God gave me even more than I imagined.
I know the same will be true in my desire for a husband. At times I have tried to metaphorically “peek behind the curtain” and ascertain how God is working everything out for my future marriage. Like a detective, I piece together clues and signs. I take the smallest happenings and try to imagine how God might use them, together with my life experiences, to bring about His plan for my life. “If I could only see and make sense of the bigger picture, then the waiting wouldn’t be so hard!” I think to myself.
But then, I return to the lessons I’ve learned. So far, my detective skills have not been that great. I’ve not been able to figure out why things have worked out the way they have, and I don’t know what’s in store. But just like with my job, I know God “is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20). When I reflect on the things the Lord has graciously taught me, I’m reminded of the words of one of my favorite hymns:
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!
I’m so thankful I can bring all my thoughts, fears, longings, and prayers to a caring, omniscient God whose plans are always perfect. He has guided my life using circumstances I could not understand at the time to lead me to a better end than I could have chosen myself. With such a track record of faithfulness, how can I do anything but trust Him?
About the Writer: Elizabeth Hill graduated from Welch College in 2015. She is a member of Immanuel FWB Church in Gallatin, Tennessee, and is a member of the Free Will Baptist Executive Office team.
