Chances are, at some point, you’ve had a “friend” named anxiety, depression, or addiction. Maybe you have self-esteem issues. Maybe you’re divorced and having a hard time with single life, or maybe you’ve just lost a loved one. Maybe you’re experiencing some form of all of that. Life is hard, with ups and downs. Seasons of good times and seasons of times where it seems you just can’t catch a break.
I struggle with anxiety. For instance, just today, I had an answer to prayer regarding an issue I’ve struggled with and prayed about for more than a year. An issue that brought severe anxiety, and even a possible ulcer. This struggle is nothing new. Back in college, I endured a four-month period where I was simply unhappy. I have since learned I was severely depressed.
During the pandemic, although I never had COVID (as far as I know), what I did experience was panic, first at home and then, eventually, even at work. I would suddenly think, “Man, my chest really hurts!” My breathing would become shallow, and soon I felt ill. While these difficult days were rough for everyone, I eventually reached the place that I thought I was dying one night, and I simply didn’t care.
Thankfully, I had sense enough to leave work early the next day to visit a doctor. A COVID test and a few simple medical tests told me I had no underlying, serious medical cause for my symptoms—only panic and stress. After that diagnosis, I slowly got better, and the symptoms of panic eventually went away.
I have come to realize I carry a “bag” around with me, one I have carried for years. Early on, I didn’t notice it, but it has gotten heavier and heavier over the years, as I’ve filled it more and more. The bag goes with me everywhere—work, church, out with friends, and I even sleep with it. It’s filled with things from my past, all the ways I feel about myself: the insecurities, fears, worries, failures, and other junk I’ve aquired along the way. I’m not really sure how I’ve kept this bag for so long, but I’m not sure I would know how to act without it. It’s me, my identity, and I no longer remember myself without the bag.
Thankfully, as I write this article, the bag has shrunk! I have gotten rid of some things, and have come to realize other things in the bag aren’t my identity after all. The bag is much lighter, and it’s a great feeling. Sure, some of the old issues make their way back into the bag, and I find myself clinging to stuff in there, but overall, the bag isn’t what it used to be. My identity is no longer bound to the bag. Even my greatest struggle in life no longer defines who I am. I experienced healing from that. Today, that struggle is not even on my radar!
What changed? I found a counselor. New Year’s Eve 2022, I decided I was tired of dealing with the weight of my struggles. I was approaching my 30th birthday, and I wanted my 30s to be better than my 20s. I had read books, listened to podcasts, watched YouTube videos,
talked and prayed with friends. But I knew it was time to open up and tell someone my whole story, being as vulnerable as I could.
When you’re sick, you go to a doctor. When you tear an ACL or break a bone, you go to an orthopedic doctor. You visit the dentist for your teeth, an optometrist for your eyes. Why do we not go talk to someone for struggles in the brain? The stigma of talking to a therapist or counselor needs to end! You don’t have to shout, “I’m going for counseling” (like I feel I’m doing with this article), but you need help. Don’t let pride or the “mental health” stigma stand in your way. And, please understand, even the most faithful Christians sometimes need a counselor.
I get it. Getting counseling seems a little weird and scary, but it’s been really helpful. And, don’t expect a miracle on the first visit. Results and healing from things that have bogged you down for decades will take time. It may take time just to get your story out, trust your counselor, and develop a relationship. Like cuts and broken bones, it also takes time for internal scars and wounds to heal.
Do your homework. Therapy and counseling can be expensive. Some accept insurance. Some offer less-expensive sessions than others. Some specialize in particular areas. Often, the higher the education, the more the provider costs. Personally, I prefer in-person, but you can also take advantage of online platforms and video counseling. And Free Will Baptist pastors and their families can take advantage of free online counseling available through the Executive Office (nafwb.org).
Finally, remember the importance of community. In our nation today, our sense of community is slowly dwindling. But God designed us for community—all the way back to “It’s not good for man to be alone.” If you are unwilling to find a counselor, please find a friend or group of people to do life with. Someone to be vulnerable with. Engage in real conversations. Grow together. Be accountable. Live in community, just as God intended for us. Far too often, when we ask people how they’re doing, it’s just this superficial greeting. It’s time to get past “You good, Bro?” and go deeper. Listen. Share. Find a friend other than your spouse and family and build that relationship.
One of my Sunday School teachers talks often about occasionally going to dinner with a good friend. They simply talk about what’s going on in their lives, refreshing one another and building one another up. Now, that’s community.
Let’s work together to build better communities that will lead to stronger churches and famlies. Let’s work on healing from past trauma and ongoing struggles. And, as we find help ourselves, we will discover opportunities to serve others with a new perspective on their struggles.
About the Writer: Will Thornton is an elementary school physical education teacher and personal trainer. He attends Bethel FWB Church near Ashland City, Tennesee.
