“Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man unto whom the Lord imputeth not iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no guile” (Psalm 32:1-2).
“Complete honesty? You have got to be kidding me!”
The thought of being completely honest with others is horrifying to many of us. “If anyone knew what I have done, no one would want to be around me,” we think. While the psalmist proclaims complete honesty brings freedom and joy, we struggle to believe it is true. We fear complete honesty will lead to rejection and the loss of relationships. These are the lies we tell ourselves.
Sometime back, I sinned in a way that cost me my ministry and nearly my marriage. For days, I fought the shame and self-hatred alone, in the privacy of a room at a friend’s home. At
the advice of a friend, I built up the courage to attend a recovery group for my sin. I assumed I could sit there, not tell anyone about my sin, listen, and learn.
So, there I sat in my misery, shame, guilt, and sadness amid a group of men who struggled with the same sin. Their complete honesty made me feel even more uncomfortable; my immediate response was to judge them, pointing out — in my own mind — how sick they were. They clearly did not know Jesus. My sin was nothing like theirs.
After several weeks of attending the group, keeping everyone at arm’s length and carrying on shallow conversations, I finally gave in and shared it all in complete honesty. They listened intently and were gracious in their response. A wave of grace, freedom, and joy washed over my soul. Charles Spurgeon was right when he said, “It does not spoil your happiness to confess your sin. The unhappiness is in not making the confession.”
What is complete honesty? How do we confess?
Step 1: Looking In
The first step of complete honesty begins with confessing things to me. I must confess my sin is my fault. Sure, others may have acted wrong towards me, hurt me, and abandoned me, yet it is my sin I must own. Others may have planted seeds that circumstances and events fertilized, but I am the one who allowed sin to grow. I need to tell myself this truth. It is painful but true.
When I identify others as the fault of my sin, I am powerless to change my own situation and to find victory. Therefore, the first step of complete honesty is confession of my sin, in all its ugliness, to myself. Then I am ready to take the next step towards a clean heart, forgiveness, and joy.
Step 2: Looking Up
The second step of complete honesty is confessing my sin to God. My confession is not because He doesn’t know already, for there is nothing God does not know. He knows all my sins before I do and before I even admit them to myself. Confession is the process of “agreeing with that which is true.” Throughout God’s Word, He makes it clear He created humanity for holiness and purity and to reflect His image.
So, when I confess my sin to God, I agree with Him that my thoughts, motives, and/or actions were unholy, impure, and contrary to His image. It is in that agreement that I can once again walk truthfully with God (Amos 3:3). If I do not confess my sin to God, I find myself walking in shame, guilt, and loneliness. Saint Augustine put it this way: “In failing to confess, Lord, I would only hide You from myself, not myself from You.”
In my complete honesty with God, I experience, through Jesus, a clean heart, forgiveness, joy, and the power of the Holy Spirit to take the third step of complete honesty.
Step 3: Looking Around
The third step of complete honesty is confessing my sin to those God will use to help me make restitution where needed, seek reconciliation where appropriate, and to build and maintain a life that reflects His image. As Christians, we are called to live in community (Hebrews 10:24-25), but sin separates and seeks to destroy relationships and community. When sin has created separation, it is my responsibility to be completely honest about my sin with others so we may be reconciled (Galatians 6:1-10).
Confessing my sin to a fellow follower of Jesus, one whom I trust, can bring about hope and healing in my relationships and within my community (James 5:16). My honesty with someone else who can pray with me, hold me accountable, and provide guidance empowers me to live in healthy relationships and community.
Are you completely honest? If not, what confessional step(s) do you need to take to develop complete honesty?
About the Writer: Robert Posner pastored two churches for 26 years before a moral failure brought his world crashing down around him. After years of recovery and reconciliation, today, he and his wife Judy are the directors of 24:16 Ministries that helps men build and maintain pure lives and walks alongside their wives as they heal from the trauma of betrayal.
